Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
