I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
