i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
