Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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