I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
