They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
