so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
