I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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