I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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