Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
