I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
