Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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