What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize