Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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