He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
