You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
