well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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