Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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