Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
