Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I wish there were birth control emojis
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
