She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
