i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize