I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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