Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
