community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize