i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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