my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize