my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
