Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
