omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
