Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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