Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
