I just pynch a tree in the face
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
