yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
