what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
