i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize