i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Randomize
