Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
