peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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