Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
