dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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