idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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