Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize