yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
