so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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