I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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