cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
