I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize