I like my sex mixed with concussions.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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