Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
