u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
