allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
