Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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