I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
