Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
