was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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