Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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